Confused

Posted: April 17, 2013 in Memoirs
Tags: , , , ,

I woke up this morning in a bugatti and dashed outside my room. There’s always a lot to do before work.

This morning, I noticed something glowing on the ground. It was an orange, high heeled shoe with red soles. Simba had eaten half of it, naturally. I went to my neighbour’s house and lo and behold, the second leg of the shoe was there.

My mind worked fast. (i) Simba had eaten a very expensive shoe (ii) The owner would soon be looking for it (iii) Most importantly, the owner is a trouble maker.

I locked Simba in his cage, and threw the shoe behind my fridge. Before you know it, my neighbor was walking towards my room. She looked under the dog cage, behind the dustbin and finally walked to my door.

‘Did you see my shoe?’

‘No ma’

I was scared. See, working class, single ladies in Lagos have wahala. I speak to you from experience.who are we

Next thing I saw her coming to my house again. This time, I was just stepping out of the bath. I stayed like that without tying towel. Hopefully, the nudity will scare her and she will go back to her house. She did not stop. I quickly grabbed my small towel as she stepped in.

‘Are you sure this dog did not take the shoe? He scattered my dustbin yesterday night’

‘What colour is the shoe ma?’

‘Orange. I just bought it yesterday’

‘If it is, I would have easily seen it’

As she left, she looked at Simba well. The dog barked at her, as if to say ‘Keep Moving Please’.

I am scared. Of the price. Of Louboutin. I don’t earn much.

They cost a lot

They cost a lot

The drama scares me. Other people will use this opportunity to complain for every single time my dog has barked at them.

I am vulnerable. See, one man on our street, his dog bit someone. He gave the person forty thousand naira for treatment. Since then, mothers on my street have been bringing their children to come and play in my compound. I see through this. They are all hoping Simba will bite one of their kids so I pay 40k too. They can open office on my head. Musa can even now cut one of his many children with razor blade and say it’s Simba that bit him.Gabby Zee(_)

I feel lonely. This is my only neighbour in this Lagos. I don’t want to annoy her.

Please advise.

Should I own up? Should I show her the eaten shoe and hope she will allow me pay half since he ate only one leg?

Signed: Confused Blogger

On the flipside, I didn’t give Simba morning food to show that I do not condone this sort of behavior.

Comments
  1. Gaia says:

    Lol, own up ke, never!!! As soon as she has gone out take the shoe out and travel to Ogun State if possible to throw it away! Pay for one shoe; she no go gree o. If that happened to me and your dog ate my shoe, I would skin him alive and have special custom made shoes made from leather that was your dog before… as you have rightly said we women don’t joke with our shoes! Feed the poor dog biko before he eats the other one 😀

  2. Jibola says:

    Own up? Hahahaha

    Micheal Owen ni.

  3. Okusaga Kehinde says:

    She shouldn’t have left her shoes outside …
    Feed d dog mehn!

  4. Momoh says:

    Dude own up, she’s gonna figure out soon!

  5. Momoh says:

    Dude own up, she’s gonna figure out soon! This is a hilarious piece though…

  6. bawllerday says:

    Omg! Simba oo, u won’t kee ur oga. Na u go chop 4 Jojo in one day now dey chop loubs on top. Advice: Ruuuuuuunnnnnnnn Simba run!!!if she handles you ehn *lips sealed*.
    @peeps hoping Simba will bite to get awoof 40k *lwtmb*, deyd grow beards sha.
    Lovely write up. Well done

  7. Monisola says:

    You’r in HOT soup my friend…..I think you should tell her though…she’ll prolly forgive simba….and if she doesn’t you’ll cut simba’s meal budget for a month and pay for her shoe…hehe

  8. @bishopade says:

    LOOOOL! please don’t own up o! i still need you to conclude this seven days thing and Simba still needs you to fix dinner. Take the half eaten shoe with you on your way out and fling it out of the window of a moving vehicle into the nearest canal. Thank me later. #FreeGoodAdvice

  9. Some Secrets are better kept Secret oh!!!! Don’t talk…except u get plans for the babe

  10. zealthinks says:

    Lol..heheheh….LWKMD….sell Simba and use the proceed to pay for the damages…:-)

  11. Random Ninja says:

    If you don’t like your neighbour very much and she’s just trying to scam you out of some money, do not own up. Seriously. It is always better to shun annoying neighbours.

  12. ashollytupe says:

    Lol!!!!!!own up???don’t ooo!Just like put half the price of a louboutin at her doorstep(abt 9-10k) and give ur dog a gooood thrashing.p.sDONT show her the half eaten shoe-come what may-its like showing a mother the pieces of her dead child.Gud luck!

  13. oseroke says:

    Own up ke. Just 2 people know the truth. One can’t ‘talk’….

  14. Dammie says:

    a quick ? though…..hope she’s not online? or any of her friends……..karma has a way…#justsaying

  15. Sade jokotade says:

    That Simba sef….! Is that the result of all the ‘home training’ you’ve lavished upon it? There’s no point in telling the woman anything again since you’ve denied it initially. just look for a way to get rid of the second leg and have a ‘father and dog’ talk with Simba before he lands you both in bigger trouble. you can just feed d poor mongrel ‘bee-bee’ being the first time! (on a lighter note, i wonder what would have happened if you had not picked up a towel and allowed her to approach u in your birthday suit) 😉

  16. Poetoria says:

    This is a very interesting article, which make it a dangerous one as well (for the writer vis-avis the content).
    I will be sharing this article on Facebook in a moment, just as I believe many more would have. Things have a funny way of appearing on different corners of the social media, and we can only strongly hope someone who has lost an orange shoe doesn’t own a Facebook account.

    #Say the truth, though it will first string you up, then set you free 🙂

  17. Omoba says:

    Ehhh, who leaves Loubs outside????!!!! Shoes that people build show-glass n electric cage for

    –tell her jor….if she insist u replace it,buy Payless n ask her for remaining red paint…
    she probably left it out for d paint to dry anyway

    U need to start feeding Simba, before “He Runs Away And Never Returns” to “Not-So-Pride-Land”

  18. […] read a lot about Simba and his numerous adventures and stunts. You can read one of his stories here…and if you want to know more about Simba, and keep abreast of his adventures, just subscribe to […]

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