Oi! What’s That?

Posted: September 11, 2013 in Memoirs
Tags: , , , , , , ,

You don’t know when it will happen. You might avoid it, and when you are alone, it sneaks up on you. People won’t ask for an explanation, they will believe what they wanna believe.

I worked the other weekend. There was one fine babe in the place we were working. I dropped some of my sure jokes, she smiled. At a point, I went to get a chicken burger and Coke. So I stayed in one inner room and was eating. After eating, I felt like I had some chicken strands stuck within my teeth.  I was alone in the room. I was free to do as I pleased. I took a toothpick and you know, was prodding the chicken strands out of mouth. She walked in, looked at me, looked at burger wrapper, looked at the toothpick again. No relationship!

This thing called embarrassment; you don’t know when it will happen. You might avoid it, and when you are alone, it sneaks up on you. People won’t ask for an explanation, they will believe what they wanna believe.

***

You never know where you’ll find deep shit. See what I found on the wall of a public toilet the other day:

‘The most breathtaking things happen a moment after you leave’

***

Some things seem good to you, but they scar others, and leave an impression. Third parties might even have to wade into the matter. What started out as an innocent act might be seen otherwise.

I say I was in staff cafeteria the other day. The egusi soup was in front of me, pomo and roundabout and other things were there. Caterer made bowl of eba for me. I took Fanta from the fridge. It was a normal workday.

Hardly had I taken two fistfuls of eba that one of the expatriates walked in. Normal.

He looked at me. Still Normal.

He looked at my bowl of eba and his eyes widened. Almost Normal.

Then he shouted ‘Oi, what’s that? What’s he gonna do with that?’

Mo ri ogo o! All I did was order lunch. Why is this man raising his voice? Why are people passing the cafeteria coming in to know what is agitating the new expatriate staff. At a point, people were many. Next thing, I heard ‘click’. Someone had snapped the eba, snapped me.

It started out as lunch but some things seem good to you, but they scar others, and leave an impression. Hell, third parties might even have to wade into the matter. What started out as an innocent act might be seen otherwise.

It was a normal workday.

It was a normal workday.

***

Heard this gist the other day. I am nice, I will share: A husband and his wife had been living in an apartment for a while. Every now and then, the landlord will increase rent. The husband will complain about it. He and his wife will pray about it. Sometimes, the prayer will work. We serve a living God, shey? J The other day, something came out into the open. The wife is actually the landlord. So the family had been staying in her house, the husband paying rent to her, she sometimes tells the agent to pity him and revert rent increases. A great man once said, ‘This life is just a pot of beans’.

This Life Is Just A Pot Of Beans

***

Simba will be a year old on Friday. I intend to throw him a surprise party complete with party rice, puff puff and glitter. Simba will be the star of the event. He does not have many dog friends so I will be counting on his human friends to turn up and make the event memorable.

True

***

Lol. Was talking to a colleague the other day. He told me how they had a tense moment during the weekend. Armed robbers were in the area. He sent his wife and kids into the ceiling. Then he stayed in the parlour to wait for them. Very manly act. More manly when he told me that he waited for the armed robbers naked. In his words, ‘Tafa, wo n ni wo aso ba ole ja o!’ (You don’t wear cloth when you want to fight thief o!)

I find it funny, armed robbers walk in find gun cocked and cock standing and….

See, I’m done.

Parting Shots

Have you gone to the beach at night? Say 8 p.m. There’s no blanket, it’s chillingly cold. You have a bottle of red wine. You and partner feel so alone, music sounds from afar. You lie by the waves; scared, happy and feel pleasantly suicidal?

Have you read ‘Black Swan’ by Nassim Nicholas Taleb? Bulky book but has some nice ideas.

The Black Swan

There’s this nice eatery on Number 9 Wole Olateju Crescent. It’s at the Waterfront so while eating, you watch boats zip pasts. As for the food, see and believe:

DSC_0139

Comments
  1. Orion says:

    That thing called embarrassment…LoL! Nice post Osisiye, plus I hope I get invited to simba’s human party.

  2. ‘Tafa, wo n ni wo aso ba ole ja o!’ (You don’t wear cloth when you want to fight thief o!” That killed me. Lol

  3. Syrene says:

    Loool Tafa that ur eba …

  4. lahmeet says:

    hehehe pls can I come for Simba’s parry? We are both September babies 😀

  5. haemlet says:

    This post like your others, made me smile…. 🙂

    There is this effortless and seamless way you blend humor into the fictitious & non-fictitious aspect of your stories..

  6. Adeniyi Bobo says:

    Tafa, I’m lost for words. Abeg, invyt me come for Simba gig!!!

  7. this life is just a bowl of rotten beans

  8. BishopAde says:

    Hilarious as always. We should go to that restaurant. I would like to “see and believe”. LOL

  9. Sade jokotade says:

    Life truly, is just a pot of beans jare! I really would like to see what happens when a cocked gun is faced with a standing cock. As in…. Wouldn’t mind borrowing ‘The Black Swan’ if you have it sha. As for the eatery you’re advertising, are you going to share part of the ‘egun’ or what?

  10. tosinfied says:

    Made my evening… funny stuffs.

  11. ManOfSkill says:

    Lol.. ..wait wait. Lmao. I like this piece.

  12. Osisi! Too silly. The eba situation, priceless!

  13. femi speaks says:

    Tafa you are one crazy dude…lol

  14. “You never know where you’ll find deep shit. See what I found on the wall of a public toilet the other day:

    ‘The most breathtaking things happen a moment after you leave’”

    Subtle double entendre. 😀

  15. igo-fab says:

    I love this blog hehehhehe

  16. High Street Muslimah says:

    When are you writing something new?!

  17. Fyfy says:

    Lol,
    This post just had me cracking-especially the Oyibo wey dey look eba.What did he think it was abeg?But you know the truest thing?The most breathtaking things happen a moment after you leave’-it can be verrrrrrry annoying when it does.like someone just pressed pause and play on a dvd player at the same time

  18. Kaudresi says:

    I love the collection of random posts messed into one.

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