Don’t Think About It Too Much

Posted: November 1, 2013 in Memoirs
Tags: , , , , , , ,

These walls are supposed to be white. They are the colour of an aldaura’s garment after a revelation.

Alfa says it is because of the damp in the room. The damp comes from the compound beside us which is waterlogged. Alfas says it is this way because the room also serves as the house’s fence. Alfa says no responsible landlady builds a house like this. I say let us talk about something new.

Alfa says we have to screed it. Throw some cement on it, then paint it. I say this takes too much time to dry, too expensive too. Alfa says we could paint it with an oil paint, then coat it with emulsion when the oil paint dries. That’s cheaper, that’s better.

Alfa comes with his friend. Alfa paints the walls, his friend paints the doors. His friends looks at my bookshelf and asks, ‘Sir, are you a scientist?’. It’s been a very long time I heard the word’ scientist’, I wonder about the word.


The rollers make a sound and it’s like that of a tongue licking something. Alfa asks a very important question, ‘That fat girl that always come, is she your girlfriend?’. I tell him that I don’t have a girlfriend. His friend explains that I don’t have a girlfriend because I have too many books. Alfa tells him that ladies like cold places and the AC makes my room cold. I wonder when the oil paint will dry.

Alfa’s friend looks outside and asks, ‘What breed is your dog?. I tell him it is a Police Dog. I tell him this because in some areas, Alsatians are known as ‘Police Dog’. Don’t think about this too much.


It is evening, the fat girl comes around. I say let’s drive around. We buy some chicken and beer. We park and eat. I drink one can and then another. I tell her the alcohol in Star Beer has been reduced, must be the ongoing promo. She says I am an alcoholic but just don’t know yet.


We move to the backseat. I might be leaning in. I might be stroking her hair. A patrol van stops beside us. Men come out with guns. They knock on the window. They dance around. I tell her to stay in. I go out to meet them. I tell them I am a Lekki indigene and have the right to hang around. Then I remember I was not born here. So I tell them I am a Lekki inhabitant, not an indigene. It makes no difference. They say ‘Come, let’s talk some more in the truck. Come to Station, our D.P.O will like to hear more about indigenes and inhabitants.’

They would like the lady to come down too. I tell them, you scare people when you wave your guns like that. I feel tired. I give them some money, and then some more’. They leave, but first, they give me advice about expressing public affection in places. I mean about expressing affection in public places. I really am tired, I leave too.

She IMs me the next day, ‘Hi, let’s go eat some more chicken. I am thinking about what we can do’

I ask ‘Where are you?’

She says Lekki.

I say that same Lekki? That same Wole Olateju? After what they did to us?

She says, don’t think about it too much.

Parting Shots

Read Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt. It’s very funny…and very sad too

Angela's Ashes

Ate snails, good clean snail on a  cold morning when you were not expecting snail to fall into your lap like that? 🙂

This jam, Royals by Lorde, if you haven’t listened to it, drop your e-mail address so I send.



  1. Be embarrassing anyhow in public…the song is ROYALS and the artiste is LORDE…

  2. Na wa! Fat girl? Let’s hope she doesn’t read this yer blog, warden.

    Very funny stuff. Well done.

  3. BishopAde says:

    LMAO! Fat girls like ‘risky love’. I love them. The snail that fell on your lap unplanned, can it also fall on my lap in Akowonjo? Or should I not think about it too much?

  4. can I get the Lorde song

  5. Codi says:

    This was actually funny. Cool stuff brov

  6. LOOOOL look at u smooching near my office. SMH

  7. Tafaa….you ate snail?????? Hehehehehe igbins !!!!!

  8. Okusaga Kehinde says:

    D alcohol in star isn’t reduced …
    Its a new batch …
    Royals … Good song , in fact wanna listen right now …
    Eating igbin in car not really comfy o!
    Dunno if its possible

  9. Amaka says:

    Lol @ ur PDA escapade haha.
    Can I get the Lorde song?
    Thank you.

  10. Orion says:

    Mr. scientist! Lol..

  11. Ifeoma Nwawe says:

    that fat girl doesnt read ur blog right? Because if she does no more chicken, beer and trips to Lekki.

  12. olayinkabams says:

    I saw the Royals video like 4 times today and I still don’t get it. They looked sad and depressed. Maybe I should just google the lyrics. The visuals didn’t help me at all.

  13. Debz says:

    I’m write well.

  14. Debz says:

    Do u know where i can get the books Ugly and Beyond Ugly by constance briscoe? If u do pls let me know

  15. DVees says:

    We have missed your musings.. Nice one!!

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