Would You Like A Taxi Or The Ferry?’

Posted: January 9, 2014 in Memoirs
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

We were in the cafeteria, and the conversation spun, from Manchester City’s win, where to get beer at pump price, who looked pregnant, to the feasibility of office crushes and finally to…Dads. Surprised?


E Go Show You Your Sin For Bible!

When you annoy my dad, he will bring out Bible and show you where you offend. He will show you your sin in the Bible and both of you will pray about it. After una don pray, you think the next thing is to hug and talk about how to further grow your spiritual lives ba? That’s when he will bring out the pankere – cane that bends but does not break – and almost claim your life with beating!

Feyi after the prayers!

Feyi after the prayers!


Wa rora ma mu ni o!

I remember first time my dad saw me drinking. We went to a wedding at some faraway town. When we got there, there was no water or juice. My dad  ordered beer, I was thirsty: I ordered beer too. I made sure to avoid eye contact. They brought his beer, cold and frothing. He poured and gulped.


They brought mine too, as I poured, I avoided eye contact. I could feel him staring me down though.

Immediately I brought the cup to my lips, I heard him bark, ‘Wa rora ma mu ni o!’ (You will gently drink it o/Drink with caution a.k.a Use soffry and be gulping the drink)

My dad after my first cup!

My dad after my first cup!

Immediately I finished the first cup, he took the remaining in the bottle and said ‘Ehn-ehn! O ti to’ (It’s enough/You have reached your limit/I will now take over from here/Kindly exit the building)

Guess who finished the remaining in the bottle? My dad 🙂


‘Would you like a taxi or the ferry?’

Back then, my dad had a girlfriend. Whenever we were headed to school, she would join us on the ferry. My dad would tell us to move to the backseat while she would sit beside him on the ferry. On the return trip in the evening, he would ask her, ‘Would you like to take a taxi or the ferry?’ (in British accent)

One day, we told our mum this.

In the evening, as she served him dinner, she leaned in and asked loudly in pseudo British accent, ‘Would you like to take a taxi or the ferry?’

My dad looked at us with what in later years I got to realize as the ‘Judas Stare’.

You let me down son!

You let me down son!

From that day onwards, we got no more ferry rides and thing is till date, we don’t know how they got to resolve that issue!


I Could Be Your Pasta Queen

My dad liked Spaghetti Bolognese, you know jollof pasta with minced meat and very visible green peppers ontop!


The secretary knew and brought him a cooler of this once in a while.

My mum got wind  of this somehow and the next week, we had  on Monday morning: pasta and stew, Monday evening: pasta fried in curry sauce, Tuesday morning: Bolognese pasta, Tuesday evening: pasta and hot chilli sauce, Wednesday morning, pasta with palm oil and dried fish.

My dad as my mum served pasta for the 6th time that week!

My dad as my mum served pasta for the 6th time that week!

On Wednesday evening, as we chomped mouthfuls of pasta wondering when the tribulation will end, my dad publicly said ‘Abike, ma binu’ (He publicly apologized to my mum on the dinner table).


Only then was normalcy restored.


Whatever you do: under-dress!

When my sister brought her husband for traditional wedding, my dad took one look at him and decided he was but a struggling young blogger man. My dad sent my elder brother to make sure the women who usually came, took off their wrappers and put it on the floor asking for money did not get to do that and he basically gave out my sister for free!

At this point in the conversation, I decided when going for my traditional wedding, I would go dressed in shorts, beach slippers and hoisting a tiny knapsack. Hopefully, the bride’s parents show me such mercy and ask for only one pineapple and watermelon for their daughter. Amen?

Abayomi (Again)

During holidays, we followed my dad to his office. Deal was we were to read there. Mumu me come carry love letter along with my books.  It was from a girl that I just bought perfume for. When we got home, I checked for the love letter, I could not find it, I bone! As we entered the office, the next day, there was the crumpled, forgotten love letter on my dad’s table. He took it, opened it and read.

Immediately he finished reading, I say immediately he finished reading….

Guys, I can’t! Bahahahaha!

Parting Shots

I am currently reading ‘I Am Malala’ by Malala Yousafzai: the girl that was shot by the Taliban for going to school. It’s a good read considering the feminist talk social media has been awash with recently. If you want a copy, do like this: O/


  1. dnddyon says:

    Laughing ‘Ol Long
    You are funny!

  2. cootales says:

    Lmao. Been laughing here. This is lovely. But the pictures are so small.

  3. ifeoma nwawe says:

    o/… Happy new year BTW.

  4. Abayomi says:

    Tafaaaaaaaaa Omo Ake

  5. eggifresh says:

    Nice one! good way to relax at work.

  6. I’ve Ben searching for this book. I’d love a copy

  7. zealthinks says:

    Lol….got a full tank of laughter now…LMAO..
    That book…yeah yeah….

  8. Tunde Ajayi says:

    osisiye ooooo aaaa!!

  9. ranchosblog says:

    Looool. Nice post. Funny too. Well done.

    As to the 2nd issue, yes, I want a copy of I am Malala *does O/*

  10. ranchosblog says:

    Looool. Nice post. Funny too. Well done.

    As to the 2nd issue, yes, I want a copy of ‘I am Malala’ *does O/*

  11. dazeetah says:

    Great read. gt me laughing. I want a copy of Malala too. 🙂 Well done.

  12. BishopAde says:

    LMAOOOO!!!! This had me rolling!!

  13. Bonjour mon ami, je suis tres content dec ici. Trebrien et merci. Just using u to practice my french. Lolz. Nice one Tafa…Ire ooo!

  14. niyi bobo says:

    Fantastic read. The Judas Stare?? Lmao!!! Keep doing what u do fam.

  15. buckleberri says:

    What happened immediately he finished
    O/ i want a copy

  16. Nyech says:

    LOL….. real funny.

  17. Modupe Shittu says:

    Waoh!laughed so hard.havent laughed like this in a while and especially in d last week since I learnt of kunles demise.his tribute actually brought me to your blog.trust kunle to always find a way to make you laugh.

  18. Anthony Nnamdi says:

    o/ nice write up

  19. enajyte says:

    So how many people got the book?


    Daddy tales had me rotf.

  20. Ms Chen says:

    Lol. Spaghetti bolognese… 😂

  21. temkem says:

    Hi Osis. Nice post. Got me laughing so hard. I know this was posted in 2014 and this is 2016 but can I still get the ‘I am Malala’ book please????

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